I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
