So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
