She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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