guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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