I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
