i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
The best revenge is premature balding
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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