did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
