I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
