That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
