Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
