Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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