I wannas sexs uuuuu
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
