you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Randomize
