i need an iv and a liver transplant
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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