The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
