i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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