i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
