Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
