he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
