Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
