So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
