Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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