my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Semen is not good for contacts.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
