I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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