Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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