how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
