No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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