she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
