Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
