why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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