She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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