he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I have fence marks all over my body
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Who died my cat blue again?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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