barbara walters just said penis...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
