i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
