i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
