my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
