Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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