i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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