who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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