maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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