I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
