I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
