I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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