some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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