last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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