Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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