so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
