Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
