he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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