She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
