New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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