i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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