It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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