The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
